Shoal Creek ParenTeen - Where do "not recycling" and "viewing pornography" comparatively rank on a teenager's moral scale?

The Barna Group just released their newest research on teenagers' views and usage of pornography (full article here). This info-graph compares the "moral scale" of +25 year olds to 13-24 year olds, and when you compare the percentages and rankings, it's pretty easy to see that the next generation of adults are much more reluctant to want to categorize things as "wrong" than we are.

For example, if this is accurate, 25% of future adults will not see anything wrong with having a romantic relationship with someone other than their future husband or wife, probably neglecting marriage all together.

From Barna's "What the Research Means" section:

"There appears to be a momentous generational shift underway in how pornography is perceived, morally speaking, within our culture,” says Roxanne Stone, editor in chief at Barna Group and one of the lead designers and analysts on the study. “This shift is particularly notable when it comes to personal choice regarding pornography use. But these attitudes and preferences toward porn among the younger generations need to take into account the broader social and cultural context that American young people inhabit."

"For one, they are coming of age in a culture that has given preference to personal experience and personal morality,” continues Stone. “Amy Poehler summed it up nicely, ‘Good for you, not for me.’ Americans are increasingly uncomfortable prescribing a morality for other people—and aren’t eager to have someone else prescribe one for them. Teens and young adults have embraced this ethos and in turn place a high value on personal freedom and autonomy, tending to shirk restrictions, particularly censorship."

"Further, the mainstream acceptance of pornography, and the broader pornification of popular culture send a powerful message to young people about the moral condition of porn. We’ve seen cultural icons such as Kim Kardashian, Paris Hilton and Miley Cyrus generously rewarded for their public displays of private moments. And now, with broadcast tools at their fingertips, young people have the ability to produce their own personal pornography—via Instagram, Snapchat or just plain ‘sexting.’ Such personal, interactive porn is something we are calling ‘Porn 2.0’ and we will be releasing more of our research on that in the coming months."

"These realities are fueling more cavalier attitudes and high rates of porn usage among the younger generations,” says Stone. “This is concerning for a number of reasons: studies have shown that seeing a vast amount of pornography long before becoming sexually active can have damaging effects because of the amount of sexual conditioning that occurs in adolescence. Ill-timed exposure to explicit material could cause lifelong problems with relationships and personal sexual health, and create unrealistic beliefs about sex and sexuality."

What does this mean for us as parents?

I think we have to:

1 - Check our own moral code against God's. If we don't know where we stand on certain issues and WHY we take a particular stance, good luck trying to convince a teenager to follow suit.

2 - Don't let the tide of culture wash your hope out to sea. Yes, the emerging culture embraces a "my happiness first" mentality, but I know many, many teens that truly want to seek what is "true" over what "feels good to them". Deep inside of every teenager is a desire to find their place in the world, and we will always have some influence in helping them connect that with God's plan for them.

3 - Prepare yourself to be ready and jump into talk about uncomfortable things. If we choose not to verbally engage uncomfortable topics when they present themselves (like an unexpected and quite inappropriate scene coming up in a movie while watching with our children), our children will assume it's not an important enough topic to talk about, and therefore trust their opinion of truth over our opinion of truth.

Shoal Creek ParenTeen - "A Teenager's View on Social Media"

Facebook? Instagram? Twitter? Snapchat? Surely your teenager has no idea what any of those are--yeah right!

If you've ever found yourself wondering what the actual difference is between certain social media outlets, or more importantly, HOW our teens prefer to use them and incorporate them into their everyday lives--then this article is for you. 19-year-old Andrew Watts breaks down each of the main social media outlets and shares his personal opinions on which outlets are most used, and why and for what purposes our teens tend to use them. Could shine some insight on your teen's internal world next time they say they "instagramed", "tweeted" or "snap chatted" something.

I think what stood out most to me once I got through reading the article was the amount of TENSION our teens must feel balancing "public" vs "private". There's an incredible amount of pressure in their world to "post" who they are, and their posts basically become their identity (how they are viewed by others). So there's an incredible amount of pressure and energy towards very "public" social media outlets like Instagram and Facebook, which in turn drives their desire to have a private space reserved for their closest friends on Snapchat.

Shows me that though they put a ton of energy towards making the best/greatest posts, they secretly just want a community that's not going to judge them.

Attention: Parents of Teens!

Come join us for our first ever meeting in The Attic at Shoal Creek as we create a safe place for parents of teens to:

• Gather and Connect with Other Parents Experiencing the Same Life Stage
• Encourage and Be Encouraged
• Discuss Topics Relevant to Parenting Teenagers

For your attendance you will not only be rewarded with opportunities to find some direction in this unique stage of life, but also with a killer "Hot Chocolate Bar" and Dessert.

If you have a student in middle school or high school this is for you. This isn't just for parents who go to Shoal Creek either. Please feel free to invite other parents who don't even know what Shoal Creek is. We just want to create a place where any parent of teen can say...

#weareallinthistogether

...and by saying that, help each other take our first steps towards finding and providing the direction our families need. 

RSVP HERE

Shoal Creek Student Family Connection - Ice Skating, "The Gathering Place" for Parents of Teens

Hi Families, here's your "need-to-know" info for your Buya and Crash Students:

1. Ice Skating at Crown Center 1/22, 6-9pm - Please check out the event link for more details about cost, location for pickup/dropoff, and need for adult chaperones to make this happen.

2. First Ever "The Gathering Place" for Parents of Teens - If you have a teenager (or preteen), there's a good chance you've experienced a sense of loneliness and directionlessness in trying to parent through the struggles of adolescence. Join a group of parents of teens on Saturday January 30, from 7-9pm in The Attic at Shoal Creek to connect and be encouraged by others on the same journey as you. Hot Chocolate Bar and dessert to be provided. RSVP HERE.

3. Shoal Creek "Disney" Valentine's Dance - It's that time of the year again! Each year our student ministry hosts a kids-themed Valentine's Dance and Silent Auction to raise money for the student ministries. Our goal is to serve families by providing a fun, safe event for those with little ones, while in return using the money raised to promote student ministry events in the spring.

So please save-the-date for setup/pizza party on Thursday Feb 11 and the actual dance on Friday Feb 12. More details to come!

Here's what's available to students and how we communicate to student families weekly.

1. "Buya" program every Sunday at 11am in the Underground for all 6th-8th grade students.
2. "Crash" (9th-12th grade) students can meet in The Attic every Sunday from 10:35am-11am for free breakfast, then attend the 11am service in the Auditorium as a group by sitting in the balcony.
3. Join the "Buya Parents" or the "Crash Parents" City groups if you want weekly info on upcoming events.

Wanting more information about what Shoal Creek offers for students that you don't see here? Contact Justin Talley, or start following our Shoal Creek Students Twitter account--@SC3Students--to be connected with the latest happenings. 

Shoal Creek ParenTeen - Interview With Former SC Student Philip Potter

This week I had an amazing opportunity to catch up with current Marine Philip Potter, who is just a couple years removed from being a former Shoal Creek student who spent many, many hours of his life being a part of the Shoal Creek community. 

He and I were able to chat and catch up, but I was also able to capture his thoughts and reflections about his time at Shoal Creek, and the things he felt were most impactful on his spiritual journey. Even better, he shared some things he wished for future Shoal Creek students.

Here is a link to about a 10 minute audio interview. I consider this stuff GOLD. After you get a chance to listen, scroll down and I'll distill what I think were the central key themes of his spiritual journey.

Philip's Key Themes for His Spiritual Journey

1. "All of that structure was nice, every Sunday was nice, small groups were nice, but leaving that, all of sudden there's no structure, and I'm like, 'I don't know what to do.'"

Structure is great, community is great, but ultimately those things are just a means to an end, and not ends in themselves. "Shoal Creek" is not THE answer. "Small Groups" are not THE answer. "Children/Student Ministry" is not THE answer. Those pieces are all tools and parts of the equation of being on a spiritual journey. But ultimately, we have to figure out who Jesus is for us independently. One of the things students will struggle with when they leave Shoal Creek (as Philip was able to articulate) is potentially being co-dependent on Shoal Creek's structures and programs for their connection with Jesus. 

EVERY church struggles with this, by the way. This is not just an "SC" thing. I think what Philip is suggesting is that while structure/programs are absolutely GOOD things, they still are not in and of themselves enough, because once you move away from those programs/structures, you discover the only thing you're left with is the faith that you cultivated (or failed to cultivate) independently from any Sunday service, small group, or program you attended. It's what the spiritual journeys of our students (and ourselves) look like in private, not the company of others, that determines how well they (we) will navigate the gap between "structure vs. structure-less-ness" when there might not be a Shoal Creek, or other organization, to give them the answers. Sometimes too much structure can be a BAD thing for the long-term health of our students' spiritual journeys.

2. "My dad's brutal honesty about his past." What courage it takes to be real, authentic, and share with our kids how we've screwed up in our own lives. But what incredible safety and security and intimacy it can create in our relationships with our children. When Philip entered into his 8th/9th grade years, his father began modeling an adult-level relationship with his son, sharing adult-sized concepts. Instead of holding back out of fear that his son might take his past screw ups as "permission" to go make his own mistakes, deep sharing led Philip to see that God's way was better than any way his dad had chosen, and therefore God's way might be the better way for Philip to choose as well. 

There is a "relational regression" that will automatically kick in when our kids hit adolescence. To keep mutual ground, instead of losing ground, in our relationships with our kids, we have to share our personal journeys with them in adult ways--because that's what they need our help becoming anyways.

3. "Getting involved from an early age." One thing that Philip's parents did was to get Philip thinking "attend a service/serve a service". Meaning, they organized their entire family's life into partnering with Shoal Creek and Jesus' mission of reaching lost people. Each member of their family joined a specific SC Team (what we call Serve Groups now) as a full-fledged member, and gave multiple hours of their week, every week, to be a part of Shoal Creek's mission of "turning spiritual seekers into fully devoted followers of Christ." This really served two intensely critical purposes:

• It taught them that they were a part of something "bigger" than themselves. Serving taught them that church wasn't just about coming and sitting through a service, but that Jesus wanted them to be partners with Him, making the world a better place.
• It gave them the opportunity to develop extremely critical relationships with other Christ-centered adults at Shoal Creek who acted as both formal and informal mentors and guides for their spiritual journeys. 

As a middle school student, Philip started off serving in ABC Zone, then served as a Buya leader as a high school student, then eventually finished his last two years in high school as a member of the Shoal Creek music team. Along the way, he developed personal relationships with many others that spoke truth and delivered grace into his life, and he wouldn't have developed those kinds of formational relationships if he hadn't had adopted the "attend a service/serve a service" mindset that his parents directed their entire family into.

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Lots to digest with all of this, but please, would pray you listen to Philip again and let God guide you in what steps you need to take in guiding your student on their spiritual journey.