This is kind of a “Part 2” in response to last week’s post that was concerning dangerous lies that teenage boys believe. “All Pro Dad” created the original article here, but below are their main points, and a couple of my thoughts regarding three dangerous lies that teenage girls believe.
1. “I need to look or be a certain way to be loved.”The media creates an image that they say defines beauty. Immature teenage boys accept the definition and trip over each other for the girls they believe fit that description or come the closest. This only reinforces that definition of what is attractive in the minds of teen girls. Every girl wants to fit that description because she equates that picture with being worthy of love. It is shown in every fairy tale and “pretty princess” story she watched as a child. So she does whatever she can to fit into that mold. She is no longer satisfied with who she is — only what she thinks she should be. When a girl sees she doesn’t fit that mold (few actually think they do, even the popular ones), her opinion of herself drops. When she believes this lie, she says to herself: “I need to lose weight, then people will like me. I don’t fit in. I’m not worth as much as those girls. If I am myself, others won’t like me. If others know the truth about me, they’ll reject me. I’m not pretty. I’m not good at anything. I’ll never be loved.”2. “My self-worth depends on the approval or attention of others.”Her entire focus becomes meeting the expectations of others. She stresses out trying to meet the approval of parents, teachers, and coaches, but mainly, friends and boys. When faced with disapproval or lack of attention, she ceases to feel good about herself. Eventually, she becomes more and more desperate; she goes to increasingly drastic lengths to achieve attention and approval. These things can include forfeiting core beliefs, succumbing to peer pressure, using drugs/alcohol, and engaging in sexual activity. When she believes this lie, she says to herself: “I have to be perfect. I’m not good enough. Nobody loves me. I’m worthless. If I had a boyfriend, I’d feel complete. I’m unimportant. I’m not valuable. Others think negatively about me. I must meet certain standards in order to feel good about myself. I must have the approval of certain others to feel good about myself. I’ll never be good enough. I’m stupid. I can’t make good close friends.”3. “I’m ruined.”If the last lie plays out fully and there is failure, she may buy into the lie that she is ruined — damaged goods with no possible way of recovery or wholeness. She is flooded with feelings of shame and guilt, especially when there is moral failure. Overwhelmed and hopeless, the best way she sees to deal with the guilt and shame is to bury it down deep or numb it. Otherwise, she may also become apathetic or rebellious. When she believes this lie, she says to herself: “I’m a failure. Those who fail are unworthy of love and deserve to be punished. Nothing matters anymore. It doesn’t matter what I do anymore.”
What do we do when we come across a list like this? Or any other “3 Things That…” type post?
1 – Reflect on each statement as it relates to the uniqueness of my kid. My guess is that all of these lies affect my child to some degree, but some will carry more weight than others.
2 – Figure out which statement is currently most relevant, and most affecting my child, and choose to work on replacing that lie with truth.
3 – Not sure how to replace those lies with “truth”? Message me. Would love to get together and walk you through how to have meaningful conversations with your son about this kind of stuff!
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